Drop Everything--It's National Elevator Escalator Safety Awareness Week! Why Was I Not Told?!!

This morning, as I exited the subway, I heard an announcement come over the TTC's public address system. I missed the first part of the announcement, but I was able to decipher the tail-end of the message....

In that inexplicably monotonous voice (used for all announcements at the TTC) the female voice declared, "...and, since it is National Elevator Escalator Safety Awareness Week, please use extra caution on elevators & escalators."

Huh?

Wait just a second...National Elev..what?

Raise your hand if you were aware that this is National Elevator Escalator Safety Awareness Week.

*tumbleweeds*

I am going to go out on a limb here and assume that very few of us were cognizant of the occasion and, as such, have not been treating elevators and/or escalators with the respect & solemnity they deserve in this, their holiest of weeks.

I think the Escalator Safety Awareness Foundation (yes, it's a real entity, as a quick internet search revealed) needs a new PR guy. They're asking that we, the public, the users of escalating & elevating devices, use them--this week--with extra caution. But how can people fulfill this wish when the EESAW has been so poorly publicized!?!

Additionally, I'm curious as to what using escalators and/or elevators more cautiously would entail?

I may be wrong to assume that the majority of us who regularly utilize escalating & elevating technology do so with at least a modicum of caution. Personally, I've never sustained a single elevator- or escaltor-related injury, in all my years of being elevated & escalated--and I can assure you that I've never paid particular attention to my behaviour whilst riding one. Should I feel lucky to have survived?

So just how treacherous are they? Are escalators & elevators really such a dangerous menace that they need a whole week (every year) AND an ENTIRE FOUNDATION to be dedicated solely to making the public aware of the threat they pose?

Sure, I've seen the occasional "bad seed" attempting to ride the escalator hand-rail or some yahoo trying to push/hold open the doors of an elevator, but those instances are rare. So, other than not pushing people down escalators, what can I, a humble (ha!) commuter/office worker, do to behave EXTRA cautiously during this special week??

Hmmm..perhaps I'll stand at the top (or bottom) of an escalator (while throngs of people accumulate behind me) waiting for the moment that feels "safest", to step on...I'll inform people that each of the steps has an aura and I'm waiting for the safest one to present itself. They'll understand. It's "National Elevator Escalator Safety Awareness Week"!

My Upcoming Weekend

What am I doing this weekend, you ask? Well, let me tell you!

To mix things up, I'll be telling this story in pictures....

That's it, so far....looks like fun, no?!

Random Musings

Let's see...

Today, on the TTC, one of the escalators was being repaired. And the repairpeople had a giant (and I mean HUGE!) "Guide to Repairing Escalators" book open beside them.

OK.

Maybe that's not what the book was actually called--I couldn't see the cover--however, it was clearly an escalator repair guide.

I'm torn--should I be disturbed that they need a book? Or should I feel reassured that they're double-checking their work?

Another TTC tidbit: I saw a pirate awaiting the subway at Sherbourne station, today.

OK.

Well, I don't know for *sure* that he was a pirate.

But he had the jaunty eyepatch!

And he looked mean.

And, while I don't know if he planned to hijack the train and steal peoples' jewels, he did have an arrrrrrrrtistocratcratic air about him...

A Tale of Two Concerts

In the past couple of weeks, I've gone to a couple of concerts--both of which had been eagerly anticipated. The first, on May 7th, was Bruce Springsteen and the second, on May 16th, was The Tragically Hip.

I had been yearning to see Bruce for, oh, let's see...about 25 years. "Born in the USA" was the first album I loved in its entirety. That summer, I'm pretty sure I wore that tape out and had to buy a new one, due to continuous, ridiculous playing.

When I learned he was playing Toronto, I was incredibly excited--granted, he hasn't been relevent, in terms of "my music" in many years, but I had heard that the man and his band could still put on an incredible show (that turned out to be true..I'll explain more on this later...). In any case, I really wanted to be there. More importantly, the pre-teen me from the "Born in the USA" summer really wanted to be there.

As for the Hip, they were huge in my later years of high school and through my university years. I was never a crazy fan. I never saw them. I even went to university in their hometown, hung out with various folks from the Hip "organization"...just never caught a show. I did attend a show at which they performed, a music/camping festival in the early 90s, north of Winnipeg. I slept through their performance. So, I figured, I was due. I owed it to this band, this classic Canadian institution, and myself, to finally see them live.

I ended up getting tickets for both shows, which was fortuitous since they both sold out almost instantly (in the case of the Hip, they ended up adding like 5 or 6 more shows to the original 1 they had intended on playing at Massey Hall). I was super pumped.

I was counting down the days til the Springsteen concert. I had seen his half-time performance from the Super Bowl this year and it was, in a word, hot. When he literally blind-sided a cameraman with his crotchal-slide..well..c'mon...good times!

Anyway...I met up with some friends before the show at the always enjoyable "Harbour Sports Grille" near the ACC. Had a few cocktails and headed over to the show. The anticipation in the crowd was palpable. I'm sure I was radiating excitement and, if we could have bottled it, a new energy drink could have been invented right there and then.

Bruce came on, did his thing. And it was clearly "his thing". It was very much like a musical or an opera--an extremely well choreographed performance. Little passion (other than pre-orchestrated passion). It felt like that episode of the Simpsons where Spinal Tap played and said, "We were told they knew how to rock in Shelbyville. But nobody rocks like...[looks on the back of his guitar] Springfield!"

He pumped his arms a certain number of times per song, he said, "I can't hear you...Toronto..." no matter how loudly the crowd was pandering...I just didn't get it.

That being said, my friends who were with us, and had seen him several times in the past, really enjoyed the show. So, perhaps it was simply unrealistic expectations on my part that led to my disappointment.

Then again, there were several reviews in local papers that echoed my impression of the show...so, to each their own, I guess. The Bruce Springsteen train will inevitably keep on rollin'.

As for the Tragically Hip...

I had a great Saturday, to precede the show. Went for a big walk with the dog in the park, came home and ate lunch and watched the start of the Jays game on TV. Then I went out to run some errands in what became POURING RAIN..came home an hour or so later and the score remained the same...and watched the Jays win the game!

We went out for a lovely sushi dinner to our new favourite sushi place, Momiji, with our friends Chad & Sarah who had procured a sitter for the evening so we could all go to the show.

We were looking forward to treating them to a nice dinner, since they have been opening up their home to us (and the gargantuan gaggle of hippies we call friends) for YEARS for fun gatherings. Unfortunately, I don't currenly have a home suitable for entertaining--unless it's backyard weather...Chad & Sarah had even agreed to host a surprise birthday party for Brian, which occurred the previous weekend, and we all had a great time.

Naturally, we all ate too much (this place is reeeeally good) and headed to the show.

Massey Hall is one of the best venues in Toronto at which to attend a concert...the accoustics are incredible, it's aesthetically gorgeous, we usually get really good seats..and The Hip put on a pretty good show. The light/stage show was amazing!
Gord Downey is either seriously OCD or just has an incredibly crazy/kooky/jerky stage persona.

He also sweats more than any man I've ever seen.

I've been on stages, I know what those lights can do to a person! I also have a friend named Schwa--he sweats so much that he brings no fewer than 5 shirts to summertime concert--all this and I'm pretty sure Gord could give Schwa a run for his schweat.

He changed shirts a few times during the show (and there was an intermission) but for the entire evening he toted a white hanky/scarf thing with which he mopped his continually dripping brow--he'd then proceed to throw the sweat-soaked napkins into the audience, and certain fans were strangely compelled to fight for possession of these drenched tokens of rock star juice.


One of the problems, occasionally, of seeing shows at Massey Hall, specifically (and in Toronto, in general) is that the crowd is lame. Quiet. Seated. Bored. Indifferent. The great thing about this show was that not a single person in the entire place was sitting the entire time!
As anyone (with a soul) from Toronto can attest, they've been at a show (or a sporting event) and been yelled at for STANDING or DANCING. Yes, you read that correctly. At this concert: Everyone was standing and dancing. And it was a joy to experience (at a non-jamband show).

I *Heart* Hot Sauce

I love hot sauce. It really does make everything better.

For chinese or thai food, I like the chicken hot sauce...Sriracha:

You know: The one w/the big cock on the front. :wink:

For a more tangy hot sauce, I like the green hot sauce that is made in-house and sold at one of my fave restaurants in Toronto...it's called Utopia (the restaurant) and I couldn't find a pic of the hot sauce online, but it is awesome! If I've taken you to eat there, and I didn't encourage you to try to the hot sauce, feel free to smack me next time you see me: I deserve it.

I also enjoy Cholula, from time to time, though hot sauce snobs claim it's fairly pedestrian..(perhaps I've been hoodwinked by the cute, little wooden knob on the top and the fact that I just looove saying the world "Cholula"...c'mon, say it...it's fun!)

I reeeally like "Valentina's"....it's perfect for Mexican dishes, but I put it on almost everything..I have a bottle at home in the fridge and I keep a bottle in my desk at work...

My question relates to this particular hot sauce...in the store they have a "Red" version and a "Black" version...nowhere on the bottles does it explain the difference between them...the only english writing on the bottle is the "nutrional information". I've searched online, but have come up empty-handed. Anyone know?

While searching for this info, I discovered something else: There are a surprising number of blogs out there devoted to hot sauce! Who knew?

On one of them, the guy set out to consume an ENTIRE (different) bottle of hot sauce EACH DAY!...I have to admit, it was riveting...I read several weeks worth and will probably go back for more later...it was called "The Smoking Tongue":

http://smokingtongue.blogspot.com/

I also found these...but I don't have any comments yet, as I haven't had a chance to peruse them...at a glance, I can see they all do reviews of various brands of hot sauce...an excellent resource!

http://www.hotsauceblog.com/

http://www.frommildtowild.com/blog/

http://www.sweatnspice.com/567-10.htm

Saturday in Toronto

I had a ridiculously fun day today..went to the Jays game with some great friends, Chad & Sarah, who garnered a babysitter and took the train in from their burbalicious homestead.

It was supposed to go up to 22 degrees celcius today...while I'm not sure if the temp actually reached those lofty heights, it was definitely a gorgeous day, though very cloudy and the roof at the SkyRogersCentreDome was not open (which was a good thing, as it turns out, cuz it was raining quite a bit when we arrived).

Anyway, we met up w/Chad & Sarah about 15 minutes prior to the game and went in to enjoy a lovely afternoon of baseball (and they bought most of the drinks, so that's always a bonus!)

The Jays ended up winning 4-2 in extra innings, thanks to Lyle Overbay, who blasted a 2 run homer in the 12th, justifying his bobblehead game on Sunday. Way to go Lyle!

The only issue I have with the game, is with the fact that some people are fucking assholes. Dude..

Sarah and I went to the bathroom at some point, I think it was in the 4th inning...we came back and heard an incredible tale of assholishness...apparently, some folks were talking to other folks who happened to be a few rows ahead of them...

Note: During breaks in play, they play really loud music.

So, what happened was, these people were chatting (probably loudly, because the music in the stadium is incredibly loud) and some total cunt looks at them and says, "Were you born like that?"

It was a good thing I was in the bathroom at that point or this bitch would have had her asshole verbally and possibly surgically removed and handed to her.

But I was not there.

So Sarah and I returned to the seats and heard the tale of the bitch who didn't approve of chatting during baseball games.

We continued to enjoy the game.

Of course, later on, another 2 guys/fans, got chastised because they were standing up! Oh no! Not standing up!!

So the usher comes down to ask these 2 guys to sit down..and they politely asked, "Why?"

The usher said, "People were complaining. You have to sit down."

Then some grumpy fucking asshole, sitting a few seats behind them (probably the dick who complained that they'd been standing, in the first place), says, "She told you to sit down! So sit down!"

Hey, fucko, it's a BASEBALL GAME not the fucking SYMPHONY! FUCK OFF!!

Anyway, the usher gets them to sit down...and then I decided to stand up at every conceivable opportunity...sure, I had the usher bitching at me....I took that chance to call her a nazi...

Yay, Saturday! Yay baseball! OK! OK! BLUE JAYS! BLUE JAYS! LET'S PLAY BALL!

Weekend in The Cleve

For those of you who are wondering why I keep referring to Cleveland as "The Cleve", it's a "30 Rock" reference.

"For God’s sakes Lemon, we’d all like to flee to the Cleve and club up at the Flats and have lunch with Little Richard, but we fight those urges."

And for those of you who didn't know it was a "30 Rock" reference, we are officially no longer friends--I have no desire to associate with anyone who doesn't watch 30 Rock. What kind of asshole doesn't watch 30 Rock? An asshole with whom I don't want to be friends, that's what kind!

Anyway...

My (# 1 in the AL East) Toronto Blue Jays were playing a series in Cleveland over Easter weekend and, naturally, we decided to go!!

After a leisurely Good Friday, doing a whole lotta nothing, we drove down to Niagara Falls for the night...gambled for a few hours and got a good night's sleep, since we had to hit the road pretty early in order to make it to the stadium in plenty of time for the 1 pm game.

Before we left, we managed to grab a pair of 2nd row tickets (below face value, no less) from "StubHub"--right behind the Blue Jays dugout!! Woohoo!

We woke up Saturday morning and it was a beautiful, sunny day (a huge improvement over the previous day's rain--and the previous day's 3.5 hour rain delay of game in Cleveland!), however, once we stepped outside we realized it was fucking freezing!! Good God.

We had an uneventful drive to Cleveland's "Progressive Field" (formerly known as "Jacob's Field" and (still) affectionately referred to by those "in the know" as "The Jake"). Once we found parking (right across the street from the stadium), we exited the car (with fingers crossed no one would vandalize the car for bearing an Ontario license plate)and realized it was even colder, in Cleveland, than it was in Niagara Falls!! D'oh!

Speaking of "d'oh", I stupidly forgot my gloves in the car. Nor did I bring the blanket with me from the trunk. I'm so stupid.

Indians fans were everywhere, heading in to the stadium, though we did spot more than a couple of Blue Jay hats, here and there, in the crowd. Cleveland is the closest city for which Torontonians can travel for professional baseball or basketball, so it's no surprise that a number of folks made the trek--particularly since this was a long weekend!

I've travelled a lot and been to a number of cities for both Jays and Raptors games. For the most part, people in these cities (and inside the sporting venues) have been remarkably, overwhelmingly friendly and welcoming, even when I'm sporting my team's paraphernalia!

That's not the case in The Cleve.

Fans in this city are rabid & vicious! We previously attended a Cavaliers vs Raptors game and encountered exactly the same thing. Psychos abounded!!

We had wandered around the concourse of the stadium for a bit (freezing!) trying to locate our seats...(and what great seats they were!!). However, when we went to sit down, a crusty old man in the seats beside ours snarled, "I go to ONE GAME A YEAR and I have to sit by JAYS fans...why didn't you just stay home??!"

Well, thanks for the warm welcome!


I ordered a cocktail (something called a "Jelly Bean" w/vodka, watermelon liquor & cranberry juice...it's allegedly some kind of Cleveland Easter treat, though my friend Kimmy, who's lived in the area her entire life, had never heard of it...anyway, it was DELICIOUS! It was also very well iced and the ice didn't melt even a little bit, due to the extreme temperatures, so it was semi-painful to hold).


I'm not sure how cold it actually was, but we could see our breath, and the wind off the lake was very strong that day and, obviously, extremely chilly. Thank goodness there was not a cloud in the sky--it would have been far more uncomfortable than it was if the sun hadn't been beating down all afternoon. In fact, the staff were actually moving people from one side of the stadium (that was becoming more and more shadow-covered as the day wore on) to the other so they could be in the sun!


The game was amazing...the Jays pulled out a victory despite the best (aka worst) efforts of BJ Ryan (the Blue Jays' ostensible "closer") to ruin all the hard work done by ace Roy Halladay, the starting pitcher, and the collective Blue Jays bats....

The Jays were up 5-1 (I can't recall if it was in the 8th or the 9th that Cito brought Ryan in) and Ryan managed to walk the bases loaded. I was so distraught I actually left my seat and paced around the concourse--I couldn't watch! It was too painful!

Anyway, final score was 5-4 for the good guys. :)

Oh, and, Indians fans: Well done! You made us feel so welcome in your city!

"JAYS SUCK!!" ~ Some guy coming out of the washroom, upon seeing a Blue Jays cap--charming!

"She's a JAYS fan." ~ Dad, grumpily, explaning to his young child why I was cheering when the Blue Jays got a hit.

"JAYS SUUUUUCK!" ~ Dad a few rows behind us

"Daddy, what's suck mean?" ~ Child of the dad who believes the Jays suck

"It means they SUCK! I hate them! They SUCK!" ~ Same dad, doing some just excellent parenting...


Overall, we had a great time...I'm also pleased to report that not everyone was as rude to us as the Indians fans inside the stadium were. As we left the game, a gentlemen wished us a "Good night" and then, noticing our hats, laughed and said, "I *know* you two will have a good night..you're Jays fans!!"

After the game, we went to meet my friend Kimmy & her wonderful son (yep, he's one of the few kids I actually LIKE!) JD for dinner at one of her favourite restaurants, with lots of veggie options, called "Tommy's" on Coventry Street. If you're in the area, I highly recommend it!

We arrived pretty early so we parked the car and explored the neighbourhood a bit (after cleverly side-stepping some puke in the parking garage...stink-o-rama!) Very cool area, major hippie vibe, lots of places I'd like to go eat should I ever make it back to The Cleve!

We decided to go for a drink at a bar/restaurant called the "Laughing Lizard" (I could be wrong about the "laughing" part...but I know it had an adjective before the word lizard in the title...it could have been "laughing"...). The drink selection was gargantuan...I was having trouble deciding...I ultimately settled on a Bloody Mary and it was GENIUS! Mmmm...(((Genius Bloody Mary)))...

After dinner, we went to what must be one of JD's favourite places on earth, a crazy novelty store called "BIG FUN". As you can see, it was, indeed, BIG fun.



The GPS lady decided to take us on a scary trek through Sketchville (not a real place) on our way out of town...we were stopped at a light, for what seemed like an eternity, and I don't mind telling you, I was becoming a little bit nervous. In any case, we glanced over at the mini-strip-mall style store to the left and noticed that the windows were all covered with ads for the store's products/services..."Bibles: $6.95 and Up!"... "Crucifixes: Sm/Med/Lg"..."Rat Bait"

Wait--what?

Then we noticed the name of the company:



Wow. What a combination of services!! And, from the looks of things, they started out exclusively selling Christian supplies. Then, for whatever reason, they decided to expand--logically, into pest control!

I have a theory that perhaps, over the years, customers would come in for their religious materials and mention how bad off they were, pest-wise...and T & L, being shrewd business owners, decided to take advantage!!

And that was our trip to The Cleve! A whirlwind of adventure!!

See ya next time, Ohio!

And Cleveland sports fans: Stay classy!

Movie Crushes from the 80s III

This is one of the movies from the 80s that I remember seeing at the theatre and it had a HUGE effect on me....it was like one of those perfect confluences of experiences..(bad) music, (bad) fashion and (bad) timing.

And I loved it all (at the time).

And it's apropos because I hear they're producing a re-make (Editorial Aside: Leave the classics alone, fuckers!):

FOOTLOOSE!

Omigod.

I think I was in grade 5 or 6 when it came out...the soundtrack was beyond awesome at the time.

I remember our grade 5/6 3-day camping trip..we had a ghetto blaster and plenty of batteries and a Footloose soundtrack...we played it over and over and over and over...

I distinctly remember arguing with one of the guys, because he just wanted to play "Footloose" (Track 1) over and over and I had to negotiate with him just so we could at least hear "Let's Hear It For the Boy" (Track 2) at least a couple of times (never mind the whole album).

We finally got to see the movie and I was blown away...

I lived in a small, cloistered town..

I imagined myself in the environment from the movie, meeting Kevin Bacon (REN!) and beating the redneck townsfolk and their racist, pedestrian, closed-minded ways...oh, it was a glorious, divine fantasy for a 12 year old. :)

I am torn about the news that they're thinking of remaking this film...

On one hand, if they could formulate a modern version of this movie, with its elan, modern kids would likely respond to it the way I did, when I was their age: As an inspiration for them, something that speaks to them.

On the other hand, it's almost sacrilegious, to sully the name of such a classic flick!

I pray the filmmakers show due reverence in the new version. ;)

I Club My Cat

One day, several years ago, my friend Gill & I were out and about and noticed a car sporting a bumper sticker with the following (endearing & oh-so-clever) message on it:

Gill, horrified, exclaimed, "I *CLUB* MY CAT??!!!"

For a moment, I was confused, both by her vehemence and her response...

I paused for a moment before replying, "Um...yeah...Gill? That's a spade...I *spayed* my cat...."

We still get a good laugh about that one.

Oops!!

Every morning, I tune into CP24 to check the current weather and forecast for the day, so I know how to dress, and whether or not I should stop on my way to work to purchase my 18th umbrella for the calendar year.

CP24 (or "Cable Pulse 24") is CityTV's gift to the hyperactive & ADD-affected: Too much information for a normal person to possibly process all at once, changing faster than the speed of light. Super-information overload. News, weather, sports, some kind of TV broadcast in the left-hand corner and, I assume, Shakespearian sonnets and/or other culturally enlightening fodder on a ticker not visable to mine slow-moving eyes/brain.

In the morning, the TV portion of the channel airs their "Breakfast Television" broadcast, starring Dina & Kevin (a surprisingly unannoying pair of hosts, as far as TV hosting duos are concerned). March 16th must have been Kevin's day off because Frank was filling in for him.

Anyway, Breakfast Television was running some kind of contest/promotion (the details of which are irrelevent to this story, which is a good thing, because I don't have the requisite gumption to Google it) where the hosts randomly choose an entrant and call them at the number they've provided. The chosen entrant *must* answer their phone saying "I watch BT" (or something along those lines) in order to win the big prize.

So, Dina & Frank dialed the potential winner....on speakerphone, of course....the phone rang & rang....and rang....Dina & Frank bantered a bit during this period because, let's face it, "watching" a phone ring isn't the most compelling television, morning or otherwise, and they have to keep us entertained!

During their banter, we heard, "POHOELLO" or something like that...

Dina said, "Hello?"

Random Contest Winner replied "Hello?"

Frank said, "If you were to say something right now, what would it be?"

*pause*

Random Contest Winner finally answered, "You people are fucking crazy..."

Naturally, they hung up on her as quickly as possible, but not before the damage was done...and I laughed & laughed...nothin' like genuinely live TV without a time delay!

Thanks Random Contest Winner. You made my Monday.

More Movie Characters from the '80s

JD, Heathers

If you remember seeing "Heathers" when it was first released, I can almost guarantee that you came out of the 80s with a huge crush on Christian Slater--regardless of your gender or your sexual preference--you had to be crushin' on JD, at least a little bit.

This was a guy who oooozed suave. He was the epitome of cool. And if you happened to be mired in the cesspool of high school in the '80s, he was a HERO!

Sure, he was a sociopath. Completely & utterly insane. But, somehow, still incredibly appealing! Even in his psychopathy! (perhaps that was part of the appeal?)

Anyway.

He didn't just *denounce* the populariate. He didn't just put down the otherwise indefatigable "popular crowd" with cleverly-crafted insults: He took them out of commission entirely. FOREVER!!

It didn't hurt that Christian Slater was dead sexy, either.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
J.D.: Greetings and salutations... you a Heather?
Veronica Sawyer: No, I'm a Veronica... Sawyer

Veronica Sawyer: That knife is filthy.
J.D.: What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?
Veronica Sawyer: Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless..

J.D.: [lying on the ground with Veronica under his jacket] I thank you. That was my first game of strip croquet...

Movie Characters from the 80s

Coming of age in the '80s.

Quite an experience, as those of us familiar with the era can (painfully) attest.

Those of us who lived through it can now--hopefully--look back fondly and nostalgically reminisce about the appalling clothing (that we were convinced was *amazing* at the time), the horrendous music (that I will STILL rock out to, any ol' time) and the frightening lack of cellular technology.

And we can also think back in dreamy-eyed revelry and ponder the movie characters (mullets, terrycloth headbands, spandex and all) whom we grew up admiring.

This is going to be a series. How many parts? I have no idea. But I haven't posted anything lately and my fan is growing anxious.

Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything...

This whole film is really well done, and the character of Lloyd is irresistible, almost mirage-like.

I remember watching this movie and wistfully thinking, "If only people like him actually existed in real life..."

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

"She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart..and she gave me a pen."

"What I really want to do with my life - what I want to do for a living - is I want to be with your daughter. I'm good at it."

Anyway, if you've seen this film, you're lying to yourself if you claim you didn't fall absolutely, 100%, head-over-heels in love with Lloyd Dobler/John Cusack...

Particularly as he stood outside Diane Court's house with the jukebox over his head (ostensibly) blaring "In Your Eyes"...*sigh*...

I am so clumsy that...

I am so clumsy that any person that starts a sentence, "I am so clumsy that.." I can pretty much beat that sentence. Seriously. I am that clumsy.

For example:

Today, I'm smarting from BASHING my head in to the towel rack while I was cleaning the bathroom yesterday.

Sadly, this is not a unique occurrence. I frequently bash my head into stuff.

I am seriously considering the viability of acquiring a helmet of some kind, or perhaps full body armour, to at least reduce the severity of my self-inflicted injuries.

If I wore a hockey helmet everywhere, I don't think it would be too noticeable...I mean, this *is* Canada...

So I bashed my head (specifically, the little spot directly above my left temple)...it fucking hurt...I was initially dazed so I sat on the floor and cried for a minute...then continued cleaning....

An hour or so later, I absentmindedly touched the injured area..holy fuck...MAJOR goose-egg...major pain...I iced it for a while, but, today, it even hurts to open my mouth and/or chew!

I got my usual breakfast when I got to work this morning (bagel w/lettuce, cucumber & tomato) and when I went to bite into it, I couldn't open my mouth wide enough because of head-pain.

Later, I had a friend at work say, "So, where's that head bump?"...I started to motion towards it and he said, "Oh, never mind, I see it."

Good times.

My Weekend in Chicago--Part II!

Saturday morning we awoke in Chicago--woohoo!

It was just as cold, if not colder, on the Saturday and, as such, we decided to hit the Lux (again) for brunch, since it was so close.

My brunch was great. Since we were heading back to the hotel after the meal (instead of heading right off to an event), I was able to bring what was left over from my brunch in a take-away box to snack on later...it was pretty much a full-size meal...Oh, and, in case you were interested: They make a kick-ass Bloody Mary there. :D

And, in case you weren't aware, the Bloody Mary recently had a birthday--75 years! Gotta love the Bloody Mary...to quote a friend of mine, "Cheers to the Bloody Mary--telling hangovers to 'fuck off' for 75 years!"

I headed over to the convenience store and received a call from my (then very pregnant) friend Gill in California...almost the first thing she said was, "Wow, you sound COLD!"

We had a nice chat while I picked up a few things at the store before heading back to the hotel.

Our plan was to meet up with some friends for dinner before the concert we were going to that night. My buddy Bryan works with the band and he said he'd be done setting up around 6 so he could meet us for dinner then.

I spoke to our other friend, Duck (an awesome guy whom I met many years ago at a music festival..I'm thinking Vibes '02?...anyway, we run into him from time to time, at various music events...now he happens to live in Chicago, so it we were excited to see him). Anyway, I told Duck the plan, such as it was, though we hadn't quite decided on a location, yet, for dinner and he was pretty much game for whatever we suggested (my kind of guy!).

Upon consultation with various sources & the folks who were to be attending, we finally decided on a highly recommended Costan Rican restaurant, not too far from the venue where the band was playing, called "Irazu". Everyone seemed to be enthused at the idea of Costa Rican food...though nobody could confidently attest to what "Costan Rican" food would entail (I guessed "lots of beans & rice" and that turned out to be fairly accurate).

We were warned it was a very small restaurant and they didn't take reservations. After all was said and done it appeared there were going to be 7 of us for dinner...when 3 of us showed up early to try to get a table (in light of the "small place, no reservasions" tip), we were told they wouldn't seat us until our entire party arrived..oops..


So...we waited. I spoke to Bryan on the phone, who was running late...very late...

We had also been told that this resto was "BYOB"...though we didn't find out til we had already arrived that, unlike restaurants in Ontario, it wasn't "BYO" wine and they charge a corkage fee, it was BYOW(hatever booze you want) and they don't serve alcohol otherwise.

This reminds me of a note about Friday night at the basketball game that I forgot to mention...if you go outside at half-time at the United Center, in Chicago, you're allowed to bring your drink out with you! That's crazy! (at least for Canadians) In Canada, the only time you can bring a drink outside is if they have a heavily contained patio or some such nonsense...in Chicago, you can just walk outside, put your beer on the garbage can, light up a smoke..or walk away...I was shocked!

Anyway...

Luckily, since Bry was running late, I had time to go over to the wine store, conveniently located right across the street.

It was a very, very cool place--the architecture/design of the interior was amazing. Unencumbered by the rules governing alcohol sales (and, I assume, interior decorating) in Ontario, this place looked like a cozy restaurant in a ski lodge..semi-low lighting, walls done up almost like a log cabin, candles in beautiful glass domes scattered about.

The folks who worked there were so nice--we got into a great chat about Toronto (and baseball) and travelling. And, as wine-store owners should, they really knew their wine! They helped me pick out a couple of nice reds (excellent suggestions from the folks at the store) and headed back to the restaurant.

We waited a few more minutes and Bryan and his crew finally arrived--turned out, 2 of them (whom it was great to see) were just dropping him off, which left us with 5 for dinner. Unfortunately, they didn't have a table for 5, nor would they allow us to pull an extra chair up to the table for 4 they did have. We decided to split up the group, Bryan and I sat at a 2-seater and Brian, Duck & Mike at another table.

So we ate dinner and the food was pretty freakin' great. I think we all had a good time. Afterwards, we all headed over to the concert venue. It was well before the show and we were lucky enough to be with a guy who works with the band so we actually got to hang out on the band's phat (yes, PHat) bus. Seriously, these buses have everything! Wow. Had a drink. Marvelled at modern technology at all the fancy shit you can fit on a freakin' bus. Good god.

I think we might have been kicked off the bus at that point (though no one said that specifically) so we all headed into the venue.

We had to stand in a "special line" since my friend very generously had put us on the guest list. After waiting an interminably long time (in the insanely freezing lobby, due to the doors being open), I finally got to the front of the line and told the guy I was on the guest list. He could not find my name. I insisted I was on the list. He insisted I was not. I saw another friend (who was with the band) walk by and appealed to him--he pointed out that they were looking for my middle name, instead of my first name, on the list, and that I am on the guest list and I get "all access" passes immediately.

Thanks, Mike. You rock.

So we finally got in...beautiful venue...my friend told me that we should meet him backstage...so we approached the wings of the stage...naturally, I had no idea where I was supposed to be going...the security guard at the edge of the stage stood tall and imposing, til he saw our "all access" passes and then he backed right off immediately..unfortunately, I had no idea where to go...so I texted my friend and he came and got us. :)

Anyway, we were escorted backstage and got a little tour...saw the crowd from the stage view..had some drinks...even got an interesting mini-tour of the bowels of the building....

All in, it was a great night. :D

My Weekend in Chicago-Part I!

The weekend of January 24th included a jaunt to the balmy shores of Chicago!

(...they don't call it "The Windy City" for nothin', let me tell ya! )

Luckily, being from Toronto, the cold--while significant--wasn't painfully shocking...but painful, nonetheless...

Anyway, travelling for a Raptors' weekend road game has become a bit of a tradition, and since they were playing on a Friday night, and we managed to secure a fantastic deal on a flight from Buffalo ($111 all-in/return) we decided to make the trek.

Thursday night we enjoyed a complimentary night in a fancy-pants room at Casino Niagara (compulsive gambling is good for something after all!) and Friday morning, we got up super early to ensure we had enough time to get across the border, parked and through security in time for our flight.

I must say, the ability to print one's boarding passes 24-hours before one's flight is such a wonderful convenience, it saves so much time (unless, of course, you put your boarding pass down on the table at a restaurant and forget it there..*oops*..not that *I* would ever do that, though,..perish the thought!).

Turned out we needn't have worried--we got across the border with no delays whatsoever and had plenty of time to spare in the terminal once we got through security. We had breakfast and I purchased a USA Today.

I love USA Today. It's total brain candy. Like Smarties. Tiny little bites of multi-coloured deliciosity (Yep, I just made up a word. Suck it if you don't like it). You can bounce back and forth between colours and it's all delectable and you don't even have to think! Wheeeeeeeeee! :)

Our flight was great, too. No hassles, no annoyances. The flight attendants on this particular flight were remarkably amusing (failed stand-up comedians with a penchant for inflatable slides, perhaps?)...very funny, actually. We each got TWO packets of peanuts and--the best part!--unlimited tomato juice! I'm sure whichever non-alcoholic beverage you'd chosen would have been unlimited, but I just looooove tomato juice(especially on airplanes, for some inexplicable reason), so it was tremendously exciting for me.

We landed in Chicago--ahead of schedule!--and since we didn't check any bags, we just headed straight for the El. The transit system in Chicago is incredibly convenient and efficient. We bought our 3-day passes, got on the train, switched trains once, arrived at our destination station and walked a few blocks to the hotel.

On the way, we passed a "soup" restaurant (looked like a take-out place)..in the window, they had a big list of the soups they were serving that day, including a few that were described as vegetarian/vegan. Being a soup lover, and being that it was 8 million degrees below zero, we made a note of the place for future reference.

We checked in to the hotel (Omni Suites on the Magnificent Mile--fantastic experience--everything was great all weekend long. I highly recommend it.) and headed up to our "suite". This particular hotel is "All Suites" so the room was amazing--even better, we got it for 50% off! Some kind of reimbursement dealie for a previous stay at another one of their properties that had gone awry--hey, I'll take it!

We decided that soup from the soup place was in order as it was almost lunchtime and our breakfast had been verrrry early in the morning. We ended up getting the veg chili & the mixed vegetable soup. Neither were overwhelmingly impressive--chili was so-so (I like some KICK in my chili, dammit!) and the veg soup was somewhat bland--but the crusty bread that accompanied the soups was AMAZING!

Prior to our arrival, we hadn't really decided what we were going to do with our afternoon before eating dinner and heading over to the United Centre for the game. With the weather as miserable as it was, we didn't really feel like wandering around and sightseeing--besides which, I think we saw all the top tourist spots on our last trip to Chicago--so we decided to have a nap. Actually, I don't think the nap thing was a conscious decision, it just sort of happened...laid down to watch a bit of TV..woke up 2 hours later...it happens..:)

Feeling revitalized, we showered and got dressed (in Raptors shirts, naturally) and headed out for dinner. We decided on "the Grand Lux Cafe"..which is a chain restaurant, tourist-trap, affiliated with "The Cheesecake Factory" restaurants...anyway, I'd heard really good things about it and, most importantly, it was only 2 blocks from the hotel.

Turns out, it was pretty damn good. The food was fantastic. The service was impeccable. I will, however, warn you--in case you ever have the chance to eat there--the portions are HUGE. Actually, one adjective doesn't come close to adequately describing the enormity of the portions they serve there--gargantuan, mammoth, collosal. There. That's better.

I had a "dinner-size" salad (see below). It pretty much looked exactly the same when I was finished with it as it did before I dug in. But, boy, it was GOOOOOOOD.

Actually, the elephantine portions bother me a bit..unless you're planning to split one meal with one or two other people, it seems like a tremendous waste. Considering half the patrons are probably tourists for whom doggy-bags would be inconvenient, you have to assume a really big quantity of food is wasted at that place every day. A shame.

After dinner, we pondered the route & train(s) we'd need to take to get to the United Centre from our location...the wind and the temperature helped us decide: A cab it was!!

Turns out, it was only about $10 to the United Centre...well worth the expense...I need my butt and I'm almost certain it would have frozen off had I been forced to stand on an elevated platform for any length of time waiting for a train.

We got to the arena and found our gate. We did do a cursory glance around the outside of the building in search of the "famous" Michael Jordan statue that lives there but, not finding it immediately, we abandoned the quest and went in where it was blessedly warm.

The tickets we bought off the internet from a season-ticket holder turned out to be just about the greatest seats in the entire place--5th row (3rd row of permanent seats, 5th row if you include the floor seats) centre, across from the benches--a perfect view of everything! We had a great time and everyone was incredibly friendly--even though we were cheering for the visiting team(some of us..aka ME...being VERY loud about it, too).

I went up the aisle to go the bathroom at one point and asked the usher which way I should go--he said, "Are you here from Toronto?"

It took me a split-second to determine how he knew that I was Canadian--was I emitting some kind of Canuckian vibe that only dogs and ushers can detect?!?

Then I remembered that I was wearing a Raptors shirt. hehehe.

I responded that I was, indeed, from Toronto, and he bellowed, "Welcome to Chicago!"

Isn't that nice? I also saw these signs all over Chicago saying "the mayor welcomes you to chicago"...at first, I was skeptical...by the end of the weekend, I truly believed Mr. Daly was welcoming me to Chicago!

My old friend Chuck Swirsky, who was the TV play-by-play guy for the Raptors for years til he moved back to Chicago to cover the Bulls, told me to get in touch with him when we got to the arena, which I did and he came over to say hello. We chatted for a bit and we got some restaurant recommendations.

We wanted to get a pic of us with Chuck in the home of the Bulls, for souvenir sake, so we asked an usher (not the one who welcomed me to Chicago) to take a pic of us--methinks it might have been her first encounter with a digital camera, as she looked both perplexed and a little frightened, when we handed it to her and the resulting pic (as evidenced by its exclusion from this post) was a classic "heads-cut-off" disaster. Thanks anyway, lady!

I yelled out to Jose Calderon during the warm-up and he turned and looked and saw us and gave us a big wave & a smile and I gave him a thumbs up. A couple of the other Raptors saw us (fans in Chi-town!) and gave us a wink & a nod...they were happy for our presence. :)

Turns out, for the first time in a game for which we travelled, the Raptors kicked ass--it was the return of the Raptors' previously injured starting point guard, Jose Calderon, and he ran the floor like he'd never been gone. It was great. No one booed us, even though we cheered for the visitors, and..the Raptors won!

After the game, we met up with some friends at a random bar for a few drinks..didn't last too long..though we did meet up with some Bulls fans who'd been at the game and, yes, we did gloat, just a little bit...then we went back to the hotel and crashed.

January 2nd: Happy birthday, Gilly!

I'd like to devote today's blog to celebrating the anniversary of the birth of (quite probably) the coolest chick I know--my soul-sister, confidante, partner-in-crime, Molly to my Lisa, soon-to-be-Mom: My friend Gill.

Here's a picture of her that I stole from her Facebook page.


Yes, that is 80s child-star/has-been Corey Haim in the background.

No, I'm not sure what's going on in this picture--Gill lives in the fast lane of Hollywood, how the HELL am I supposed to keep up with all the parties, wheelings & dealings and high rollers with whom she regularly associates? I'm not the freakin' International Inquirer!


Anyway, I don't know where I'd be without her, quite frankly, so I am very, VERY happy she was born!! Happy birthday Gilly! I love you! I just know you're going to make the 2nd best mom EVER (naturally, you finish behind The Mom..I mean, she's not THE Mom for nothing).

In other January 2nd birthday news, Gabrielle Carteris (she played inexplicably loveable underdog/nerd Andrea Zuckerman on the original Beverly Hills 90201) today turns forty-eight. FORTY-EIGHT!

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the fetal position pondering the impending apocalypse.

Happy birthday Gill (and Gabrielle)!!

Marley & Me (the movie): Utter (Dog) Crap

I had the misfortune of attending "Marley & Me" at the Cineplex this past weekend.

In hindsight, I would have rather rolled around in doggie doodoo than sat through that piece of shit.

God (Or should I say "Dog"?), what a horrific experience!

Normally, this film would NEVER appear on a list of movies I would have any desire to see. Not only does the whole thing SCREAM lowest-common-denominator-catering, syrupy, family-oriented, pap-filled monstrosity (not my proverbial cup o' tea) [see poster above..cutesy, right?]. But it stars not just one but TWO of the most annoying personalities in all of Hollywood--the loathsome Jennifer Aniston and the inexplicably famous, utterly charm-free Owen Wilson. Oy!

However, last week, as I was sunning myself in the Dominican, I had the opportunity to read the book on which this movie was based. And I found it to be thoroughly entertaining--heart-warming, tear-jerking (and not in an entirely nauseatingly cloying & manipulative way, which I despise) and hilarious.

And this weekend, when I was scanning the paltry selection of movies available for my viewing "pleasure", I couldn't find a single one in which I was interested--at least not playing at my local theatre--so, after perusing the various reviews, we chose "Marley & Me"...I was looking for light, comedic fare, the reviews had been generally positive and I had enjoyed the book, so how bad could it be?

I think, from my general tone thus far, you can accurately deduce just "how bad" it could be (and was).

It was so bad, about 20 minutes in, the gentleman seated next to me frightened (and, subsequently, amused) me with his seat-shaking snores.

And it wasn't *just* bad, as compared to the book. I know, "The book's always better than the movie!" However, in this case, I think it's doubly true..

One, because it's just not a good movie. It's boring and a waste of time. Aniston & Wilson did nothing to alter my negative opinion(s) of them--in fact, I wanted to smack them both, soundly, several times, throughout the film (but I see someone's already beaten me to it).

If you haven't read the book (and you're in full possession of your faculties, of course) you're still going to think it's a pedestrian, occasionally amusing, pointless story, about a bunch of jejune people about whom you can't be bothered to give two shits.

Two, because it's not just a watered-down, poorly translated version of the book, that suffers because of running-time-related content edits.

If you have read the book, you'll recognize that the WHOLE POINT of the book has been eschewed. The book, basically a compilation of newspaper columns by the the author, relays the touching tale of a crazy, irascible, incorrigible dog, with a bottomless pit for a stomach and an even bigger heart, and how this dog affects the people with whom he comes in contact. The book tells the story of Marley's human family on the periphery of the story about Marley himself.

The movie, unsurprisingly, is standard, chronological, bland Hollywood storytelling and focuses almost entirely on the human family--who aren't all that unique or interesting, simply an average family living their lives--and the dog just happens to be a part of it. That's not what I had anticipated and it was very disappointing.

For example, the book describes an event, late one night, when they hear screaming from their neighbour's yard--the man takes the dog and goes to investigate and instructs his wife to call the police. Once outside, they find their teenage neighbour has been stabbed--he and the dog comfort her and stay with her until help arrives. Marley's dedication in this scene as written is beautiful & touching.

In the movie, however, they don't even show Marley in the scene, other than by implication--the event is simply used as a catalytic plot-device aka the reason the family decides to move from that 'hood. Cheap! Cheap, I tells ya! Boo!

Oh well, the popcorn was good. And I was happy to get home and play with Kuda afterwards and appreciate the fact that she almost never consumes appliances in my absence. :)


Don't get me wrong, I highly recommend the book, if you're into that kind of thing (doggy-centric memoirs), but I seriously caution you not to waste your time or money on the movie version.

Oh, and, did I mention (kudos to whoever did this and to the folks who are featuring it on their site..much appreciated...):

Weird Weather

We've had strange, spring-like weather the past few days--with crazy wind & rain. "Warm & unsettled" was the official prognostication from the weather folks, I think.

I got up this morning to take the dog for a walk and when we went outside, the southern sky was a vivid, other-worldly pinkish-purple and the northern sky held 2 parallel rainbows. This lasted no more than a couple of minutes, but it was spectacular and I was glad to be up that early and out to enjoy it. :)

FESCHUK!

I've always had a real hate-on for Dave Feschuk, alleged sports writer for The Toronto Star.

I'm not sure why, but he's annoyed me since I first encountered his "work".

Maybe it's the unibrow, maybe it's the nefarious glare from his dead, dead eyes, maybe it's that I believe his articles are fluffy, ill-informed and poorly written...probably a combination of the 3.

I refer to him as The Evil Feschuk or in Seinfeldian, "FESCHUK!" a la "NEWMAN!".

I'm not sure why I still read his articles...sometimes, it's accidental....because I'm a basketball & baseball fan, I click on the link to an article about the Raptors or the Jays without even noticing the writer's name..then I find myself getting irritated by some idiotic statement, glance at the byline and inevitably mutter, "FESCHUK!"

Besides the fact that I very rarely respect anything he has to say, he could also use a good copy editor--one with more than a cursory knowledge of grammar. In the past week, Feschuk has TWICE used the word "inferred" when the word he should have been using was "implied"--two words with very different meanings.

(Though some sources now indicate that "infer" & "imply" can be used interchangeably, please don't give this credence. These are the same sources that cite "irregardless" as a word simply because it's become part of the redneck vernacular. It's this type of regressive laziness that is reducing the clarity of the English language. )


So, in conclusion...

Down with Feschuk!

Why Some People Shouldn't Drive--Part II

Last night/early this morning a couple of inches of wet, heavy, sticky snow was dumped on Toronto--the kind of snow that slushes up the streets & sidewalks, is perfect for building snowforts/initiating snowball wars and will not simply blow off your vehicle once you get moving, you must arduously & assiduously remove it yourself.

This morning, I passed a City of Toronto police cruiser, apparently being driven by a member of the force who possesses x-ray vision--or simply doesn't give much credence to the importance of checking one's blind-spot whilst driving.

This officer's vehicle had been thoroughly cleaned off--front windshield, back window, driver's & passenger side doors--except for the back seat windows. Huh? Too friggin' lazy to spend that extra couple of minutes to ensure maximum visibility while on the road, possibly weaving in & out of rush hour traffic while speeding to the scene of a crime? Hmmmm.

Strange behaviour for someone sworn to allegedly "protect & serve."

Unless this officer does, in fact, possess x-ray vision--in that case, mea culpa. In fact, I feel bad, let me apologize in song:

Did you ever know that you're my (super) hero?
And everything I wish I could be?
I can fly higher than an eagle, because you are the all-seeing wind beneath my wings...