I am so clumsy that...

I am so clumsy that any person that starts a sentence, "I am so clumsy that.." I can pretty much beat that sentence. Seriously. I am that clumsy.

For example:

Today, I'm smarting from BASHING my head in to the towel rack while I was cleaning the bathroom yesterday.

Sadly, this is not a unique occurrence. I frequently bash my head into stuff.

I am seriously considering the viability of acquiring a helmet of some kind, or perhaps full body armour, to at least reduce the severity of my self-inflicted injuries.

If I wore a hockey helmet everywhere, I don't think it would be too noticeable...I mean, this *is* Canada...

So I bashed my head (specifically, the little spot directly above my left temple)...it fucking hurt...I was initially dazed so I sat on the floor and cried for a minute...then continued cleaning....

An hour or so later, I absentmindedly touched the injured area..holy fuck...MAJOR goose-egg...major pain...I iced it for a while, but, today, it even hurts to open my mouth and/or chew!

I got my usual breakfast when I got to work this morning (bagel w/lettuce, cucumber & tomato) and when I went to bite into it, I couldn't open my mouth wide enough because of head-pain.

Later, I had a friend at work say, "So, where's that head bump?"...I started to motion towards it and he said, "Oh, never mind, I see it."

Good times.

Clumsiness is Next to Bruiselyness

My clumsiness is becoming even more detrimental to my well-being than usual.

OK, I've always been clumsy.

I did slam my thumb in a car door when I was 17 (without any intervention from anyone--I can't say I was pushed, unfortunately--and with zero alcohol consumption on my part). To this day the nail (and I use the word loosely) does not grow properly. Truth be told, it's pretty friggin' gross.

I have a pretty big scar under my right eyebrow from where, in the late 90s, one night I whipped open the freezer door, instead of the fridge door (which is what I was going for) right into my eye and I was way too embarrassed to go to the hospital for the necessary stitches.

I have a giant bruise around my eye socket this week. In my defence, it was mostly the dog's fault..we were play-fighting/wrestling and she reared up her head and smashed her skull into my face. It hurt so much, I was sure that she, too, would be injured.

I was in a massive amount of pain, but my first concern was her well-being:

"Omigod! Kuda, are you OK??!"

*pant* *pant* *wagwagwag* *run to retrieve ball*

She was fine.

This morning, I punched the bathroom doorjamb as I was walking into the bathroom...granted, I was in a hurry, but I've lived there for over five years and I'm pretty sure the width of the door hasn't changed in that time. Now I've got a cut and an impending bruise on my hand. Yay!

I noticed this morning, as I was drying my hair, that I have a giant round bruise on my wrist. No idea where that originated.

*sigh*

If I die in some horrible accident, odds are, it will be entirely my fault...possibly as a result of a dog-induced concussion...

Melon, Meet Mallet

I have had a headache for 2 days. Which seems extra-annoying because I so rarely get headaches.

It's probably a tumour.

Yesterday, when I realized my head had been aching all morning, I thought perhaps it was a result of a caffeine-deficiency. Usually, I get my coffee around 8 am and nurse it until at least 10 am (tepid coffee is A-OK with me). Yesterday, however, for some reason, I had scarfed back my entire large (er.."grande"..) coffee within 20 minutes!

Of course, my quicker-than-normal coffee-consumption might have had something to do with the fact that I somehow spilled a large portion of it onto my (light-coloured) coat before I even reached the office. I have no idea how it happened--I didn't trip, I didn't have a sip-related/jostling mishap--I just glanced down at myself on my way into the building and became aware that I was COVERED in coffee. I'm such a tool.

Anyway, I surmised that my headache might have been due to a caffeine craving, so I grabbed a Timmy Ho-Ho's and hoped for the best...unfortunately, the pate-pounding persisted..

*sigh*

Oh, and, the Raptors got trounced last night. I don't want to talk about it. Scratch that: I will NOT talk about.