Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I really hate Christmas.

The ubiquitous, nauseating holiday music.

The co-workers' cubicles adorned with so much tinsel, garland, ornaments and other cheap, Christmas crap that it looks like some dime-store Martha Stewart is conducting a "You can't have too many tacky decorations!" seminar.

The constant queries..."Got your holiday shopping done?" "Ready for the holidays?" "Is that a carrot in your stocking or are you just happy to see me?"

The endless holiday specials on television...Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Santa Drank My Imodium...etc...

All these annoyances pale in comparison to the proverbial straw that broke the Christmas camel's back..an incident that shall henceforth be known as...

THE CAROLLERS IN THE CAFETERIA

Yes, you read that correctly.

Outside the cafeteria in my office building today, there was a quartet of Christmas carollers regaling us with all the Christmas classics, in four-part harmony, attired in period clothing straight out of Dickens!

For a split second, I tried to revive myself, assuming I was trapped in a horrific nightmare.

But, alas, it was, in fact, really happening.

I couldn't help but wonder*, how did my company find this musical combo? I've never seen an advertisement for "Carollers for Hire," have you? It's really got to be tough to make a living at this in, say, April....


*"I couldn't help but wonder..."....my homage to Carrie Bradshaw's patented segue...she uttered this phrase at least once in every single episode of "Sex and the City"....

Only 13 more days until Christmas...praise Dionysus, all hail Bacchus...pass the vino...I'm gonna need it..



Four-Piece Carolling Combo for Hire

Available for weddings, birthdays, funerals, Hanukkah parties (not recommended), retirement parties, boat shows etc.

Familiar with all Christmas carols; yodelling, tap-dancing and/or lap-dancing available upon request.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

i heart you julesy! :)

~JengerlilyDayStaraRoni(orwhateveritis)

Matt said...

BAH HUMBUG!!!

I hate Christmas too!

If it were only contained at least just to the week before the 25th... but no, people get into it hardcore for a FULL month. What gives?

Unknown said...

I love you Julesylocks!
I miss you SO much.