What the hell is that god-awful smell? And why is it FOLLOWING me?!

Do you ever get up in the morning, complete your usual morning ablutions, leave the house, proceed to get in your car or hop on the subway and realize, "Holy crap! Something stinks!"

If you're on the subway, an errant odour or two isn't all that alarming or even out of the ordinary--commuters in their outer-wear packed like sardines in a giant tin can are bound to emit some foul scents. And folks in this situation seem to feel they can pass gas with impunity, since it's likely they won't be identified as the source of said malodorous vapors.

But then you get off the subway and you're walking down the street, a cool breeze wafting through your hair, the scent of coffee and car exhaust permeating your senses, and suddenly, there it is again--The Stink.

You assume the person emitting The Stink has followed you off the subway and you pick up the pace.

You arrive at work and as you're walking into the building, you run into one of your colleagues and, as you're blithely discussing your respective weekends, you smell it again. You assume your co-worker is The Source and wonder if you should say something...naw, probably best not to inform someone with whom you work that they reek.

You proceed to to your desk, boot up the ol' geekbox and commence your day (checking your gmail, sports scores and miscellaneous message boards) and, lo and behold, there it is again, like a fart in an elevator: The Stink.

You first thought, "How the hell did it follow me all the way to my desk?!!"

Your second thought, as a result of your superior powers of deduction, "Omigod. It's me. I'm The Source of The Stink!"

You're wholly chagrined and feel your cheeks flush with embarrassment. You're also entirely befuddled...how could you possibly be The Source of the Stink?!

This isn't one of those mornings when you rolled out of bed after 3 hours of sleep, grabbed a t-shirt off the floor, slipped into some sweats and flip-flops, and headed out to purchase desperately needed coffee to prevent your skull from collapsing--if your olfactory senses were functioning at all at that point, The Source of The Stink should have been fairly obvious. No, no, no! You showered and cleansed yourself thoroughly...you got dressed in clean clothes...a quick footwear-check confirms you aren't walking around with poo or any other mysterious smelly substances on your shoes...how could this be?!

Has this ever happened to you?

Naturally, I'm not speaking from personal experience...this is an entirely rhetorical post....a public service if you will....to make those who encounter an unidentifiable smell somewhere on their person feel less alone.

To protect myself, however, I will be installing rear-view mirrors on my backpack--you know, just in case a stranger thinks it's funny to rub something smelly on my back when I'm not looking. It's important to be vigilant about these things.

Heed my warning, people. The Stink is out there.