Wednesday, June 02, 2010

The Secret Language of Real Estate

As you may or may not know, I've been hunting for a new home to purchase - not sure whether it will be a house or townhouse or a condo yet, but the hunt is on!

Once the search began, it became immediately obvious that real estate agents (and the industry at large) speak a language all their own - an encrypted code designed to sell, SELL, SELL! by  relying on subterfuge & peoples' perceived stupidity.

I'm not sure who they think they're fooling, though....the code is about as hard to crack as an unboiled egg....

Should you ever find yourself looking for a new home, here's a quick guide to The Language of Real Estate:

Cozy  =  Tiny

"Open Concept" = No walls.

"Loft-Style" = See "Open Concept" & add stairs (or a bunk-bed style ladder).

"Boutique Building" = Built sometime between World Wars I & II

"Perfect for first-time buyers..." = Small and/or dirty and/or requires $$$$ in repairs

"Contents Included" = You clean this shit up.

"Juliet Balcony" = Floor-to-ceiling window that opens, but is blocked by a railing (Note: Seriously? Do people fall for this?)

"Condo Alternative" = A house too small for anything more than 1 or 2 adults & possibly a dog.

I'm forgetting a bunch. I'll add more as they come to me.

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