We don't want you.

I'm getting pretty sick and tired of hearing Americans expressing the following sentiment:

"If _____________ happens, I'm moving to Canada!"

That variable can be just about anything..."If McCain gets elected, I'm moving to Canada", "If I lose my job, I'm moving to Canada", "If someone steals my parking spot one more time, I'm moving to Canada" etc. etc. etc.

My first question: Do you honestly think Canada WANTS you?

My second question: Do you truly believe it's just that easy to move to Canada?

You express a desire to live here and you think Canada is going to respond something like this:

"Come on in!! Our population density is miniscule--we need you! And we don't have NEARLY enough former Americans living here--everyone knows, if you were born in the United States, you're significantly better--in every way--than someone who was born ANYWHERE else...your presence can only improve the quality of life of ALL Canadians!!"

Oh, you poor deluded Yank. Tsk tsk.

This is not the first time I've encountered this kind of egocentrism from an American. More than once, in the course of my life, I've met jingoistic Americans who expressed shock & disbelief when they discovered that I had no desire whatsoever to live in the United States--nay, that I don't even especially like to visit.

It's not that I'm anti-American. I love, and have loved, many Americans [insert requisite dirty jokes here]. I have travelled extensively in the United States and have enjoyed it immensely--but, the fact is, I always feel more comfortable once I get back to Canada. Which is understandable, since it's my home. And I have no desire to ever live anywhere else--I know, I know, that makes me lame & unadventurous and I'm 100% OK with that. But so be it.

My point here is that there are, in fact, a lot of Americans who are truly appalled and have a hard time grasping, that there are people in the world who don't want to live in America.

And I have to assume that the folks who believe they can just up and "move to Canada" whenever they feel like it are similarly afflicted with a disease of delusion.

Here's a tip: It's not that easy!

Here's another tip: If you want to move to Canada so badly, I'm willing to entertain offers.

That is, I am willing to marry someone to help them obtain Canadian citizenship--obviously, my service(s) will go to the highest bidder, so if you aren't rich and if you aren't thunder between the sheets, don't even bother applying. Men and women are both welcome--this is Canada, after all, and gay marriage is legal everywhere.

:)