I am the next Picasso.

I believe I might be the next Picasso. Why? Because I have an artistic flair and am obviously insane!
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The other day, at work, I was flipping through one of my notebooks to determine if there was anything important in it that should be transferred to a new notebook before I tossed out the old one.

I came across something very disturbing.

A pen-drawing (undoubtedly my work) that I have no recollection of creating.

I studied it for a little while, in hopes that its meaning might become clear...but, alas, no such luck.

I can't imagine what prompted me to birth this piece of shi....artistic expression.

I simply cannot fathom what purpose it could have ever served!

You can't tell from this pic, but, he's sporting a "not-quite goatee" (a flashy moustache, twirled at the ends, with a below-the-chin-only beard, ending in a point...I'm sure there's a name for this particular facial hair style, but I'm unfamiliar with it).

I've always believed that a goatee is identifiable & defined by the fact that the moustache hair and the chin hair are attached...am I right?

I'm also worried about this guy (whom I've christened "Steve")...the thickness & uniform width of his right leg suggests a disturbing illness...treetrunkappendagemia (incurable, from my understanding).

Click on the picture to enlarge & to enjoy all of Steve's intricate details.

The fact that my mind could produce such a bizarre composition truly speaks volumes about the depths of my insanity.

 You be the judge. And if you have ANY suggestions as to why I might have brought this fellow to life or what his story might be...PLEASE feel free to share your ideas!

Dear MLSE

An Open Letter to Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment (owners of the Toronto Maple Leafs & the Toronto Raptors):

I just wanted to commend you, as an organization and your unwavering commitment to the fans.

For those of you who don't know, the Raptors' organization is having a "Fan Appreciation Night", occurring February 3rd. And their way of expressing their appreciation for the fanbase is via an exciting, half-time performance by a contemporary musical artist....(wait for it)....

For those of you who weren't alive in 1990, that's Vanilla Ice (né Robert Van Winkle).

Not to degrade the artist known as Vanilla Ice, but, the last time he was popular/relevant, the Raptors were still FIVE YEARS AWAY FROM EXISTENCE.

Maple Leafs Sports & Entertainment: If you want to express your appreciation to your fans, perhaps you should choose a performer who is popular NOW...or was popular--oh I don't know--in the last decade?

Or, since this is the NBA's lone Canadian team, how about showcasing a Canadian band that is up & coming now?

No?

OK, so, "Canadian" obviously wasn't one of the parameters when you were making your choice. Nor was "current" one of the criteria. I could suggest that "kitsch appeal" was your main requirement, but that's really reaching.

If you have something against current bands, why not pick an act that was popular, exactly, fifteen years ago? The Raptors came into existence in '95, you could have chosen a performer who hit it big that year and you could have formulated a marketing tie-in with a band that was popular the year the Raptors were born!

(I'm pretty sure Hootie & the Blowfish are available...)

The point is, Vanilla Ice, is, simply, an embarrassing choice!

It's embarrassing now, to even discuss!

And it's going to be horribly, painfully embarrassing that night--even more embarrassing than the team that the Raptors are playing that day! Yes, it's going to be more embarrassing than the 2009-2010 Nets (and I didn't think that was possible).

The fans aren't going to be in to it..because...well...it's VANILLA ICE...and it's not 1990!

And it's going to be embarrasing for Mr. Ice...he's got to know how ridiculous he is!

Then again, a precedent was set by the NBA last year (specifically, the Denver Nuggets) when Vanilla performed a half-time gig at a Nuggets/Hornets game (see evidence below).

Thanks, a lot, Denver.

I feel bad for him.

I feel bad for the fans.

I feel bad for those of us who were in high school when "Ice, Ice Baby" came out and, as such, still know all the words to that insidious ditty, despite our best efforts to excise it from our minds.

I can't decide if I want to be there for this train wreck or not...on one hand, as previously mentioned, I'm embarrassed.

But, on the other hand, if a 3-legged talking dog comes to your city, you don't miss the meet 'n' greet!

I'd be a fool to miss this spectacle!

See ya there!