Marley & Me (the movie): Utter (Dog) Crap

I had the misfortune of attending "Marley & Me" at the Cineplex this past weekend.

In hindsight, I would have rather rolled around in doggie doodoo than sat through that piece of shit.

God (Or should I say "Dog"?), what a horrific experience!

Normally, this film would NEVER appear on a list of movies I would have any desire to see. Not only does the whole thing SCREAM lowest-common-denominator-catering, syrupy, family-oriented, pap-filled monstrosity (not my proverbial cup o' tea) [see poster above..cutesy, right?]. But it stars not just one but TWO of the most annoying personalities in all of Hollywood--the loathsome Jennifer Aniston and the inexplicably famous, utterly charm-free Owen Wilson. Oy!

However, last week, as I was sunning myself in the Dominican, I had the opportunity to read the book on which this movie was based. And I found it to be thoroughly entertaining--heart-warming, tear-jerking (and not in an entirely nauseatingly cloying & manipulative way, which I despise) and hilarious.

And this weekend, when I was scanning the paltry selection of movies available for my viewing "pleasure", I couldn't find a single one in which I was interested--at least not playing at my local theatre--so, after perusing the various reviews, we chose "Marley & Me"...I was looking for light, comedic fare, the reviews had been generally positive and I had enjoyed the book, so how bad could it be?

I think, from my general tone thus far, you can accurately deduce just "how bad" it could be (and was).

It was so bad, about 20 minutes in, the gentleman seated next to me frightened (and, subsequently, amused) me with his seat-shaking snores.

And it wasn't *just* bad, as compared to the book. I know, "The book's always better than the movie!" However, in this case, I think it's doubly true..

One, because it's just not a good movie. It's boring and a waste of time. Aniston & Wilson did nothing to alter my negative opinion(s) of them--in fact, I wanted to smack them both, soundly, several times, throughout the film (but I see someone's already beaten me to it).

If you haven't read the book (and you're in full possession of your faculties, of course) you're still going to think it's a pedestrian, occasionally amusing, pointless story, about a bunch of jejune people about whom you can't be bothered to give two shits.

Two, because it's not just a watered-down, poorly translated version of the book, that suffers because of running-time-related content edits.

If you have read the book, you'll recognize that the WHOLE POINT of the book has been eschewed. The book, basically a compilation of newspaper columns by the the author, relays the touching tale of a crazy, irascible, incorrigible dog, with a bottomless pit for a stomach and an even bigger heart, and how this dog affects the people with whom he comes in contact. The book tells the story of Marley's human family on the periphery of the story about Marley himself.

The movie, unsurprisingly, is standard, chronological, bland Hollywood storytelling and focuses almost entirely on the human family--who aren't all that unique or interesting, simply an average family living their lives--and the dog just happens to be a part of it. That's not what I had anticipated and it was very disappointing.

For example, the book describes an event, late one night, when they hear screaming from their neighbour's yard--the man takes the dog and goes to investigate and instructs his wife to call the police. Once outside, they find their teenage neighbour has been stabbed--he and the dog comfort her and stay with her until help arrives. Marley's dedication in this scene as written is beautiful & touching.

In the movie, however, they don't even show Marley in the scene, other than by implication--the event is simply used as a catalytic plot-device aka the reason the family decides to move from that 'hood. Cheap! Cheap, I tells ya! Boo!

Oh well, the popcorn was good. And I was happy to get home and play with Kuda afterwards and appreciate the fact that she almost never consumes appliances in my absence. :)


Don't get me wrong, I highly recommend the book, if you're into that kind of thing (doggy-centric memoirs), but I seriously caution you not to waste your time or money on the movie version.

Oh, and, did I mention (kudos to whoever did this and to the folks who are featuring it on their site..much appreciated...):