Are all babies Japanese?

Last week I was in search of a baby gift for my friends who are expecting their first child in a few weeks. I went into one of those chi-chi baby stores, that I normally avoid (the same way I purposefully cross the street when I see the aggressive, flute-playing panhandlers in my neighbourhood--Back off, Zamfir! I gave at the office!).

I don't have babies. I don't particularly like babies or kids. A store like this, suffice it to say, is more than a bit overwhelming for me. As I stood in the middle of the store amid the strollers and bibs and dainty, baby-sized, steel-toed boots, I sensed a panic attack looming.

I approached the sales clerk, whose girth indicated she might go into labour at any second, and requested her assistance in finding a gift appropriate for a brand new baby.

She replied, "Oh, we have so much great stuff. These 2 companies, from Vancouver, make all of their clothes out of 100% organic cotton..."

So far, so good...Canadian company, organic cotton...I like those specs...

"Here we have some onesies, hats, and of course we have the kimonos...they're great for breast-feeding. And these pajamas all have different, cute pictures and phrases on them...."

She continued to babble on about their amazing products, but I had stopped listening. Tumbling through my mind, like a pair of running shoes in the dryer, was the phrase "Of course we have the kimonos."

Huh? HUH?! Great for breast-feeding? What?! Wait--is the baby going to be breast-feeding another baby? Because that's the only reason I can fathom that a baby would require a kimono....

I was perplexed and had to interject, "Excuse me. Wait. This may be a stupid question, but, why in the world would a BABY need a KIMONO?"

"Oh, that's not a stupid question at all. Babies get really hot. The kimono is really handy, especially when breast-feeding. If you'd ever held a baby, you'd know that."

Um, yeah, OK, lady.

I've held plenty of babies (usually against my will) and never once did I think, "You know what this sweaty bundle of poo needs? A kimono. That would make everything better."

Needless to say, I didn't purchase a baby-sized kimono. I hope that doesn't make me a bad friend.