Oil of Olay Regenerist Night Renewal Cream

I'm not sure if that's exactly what it's called--I think I've included all the relevent words, if not in the correct order.

A while back, I started filling out contest applications and sending away for free stuff (samples and such). Possibly because I was bored, possibly because I really want to go to Jamaica, possibly because everyone likes free stuff...

Anyway, I haven't won any contests yet (boo!), possibly because I realized afterwards that the empire for which I work pretty much owns the country and, as such, I am ineligible for most of the contests I entered.

I have, however, received some GREAT STUFF in the mail, including a tiny of sample of this Olay Regenerist Night Cream.

I had it for a few weeks and decided to try it out last night. It says, "Apply to clean face & neck before bed." Easy enough. I followed the instructions, shut off the bathroom light and headed for my bed.

As I approached my bed, something came over me...a change was afoot on my face (teehee)...my hands flew to my visage to investigate.

"Holy crap," I thought, "This is the softest skin in the history of skin!"

I inappropriately molested my remarkable newly softened skin some more before calling it a night..

When I awoke this morning, my skin was STILL THAT SOFT!

Despite a facial scrub in the shower and half a day's worth of grime on my face, my skin is still incredibly (possibly illegally) soft.

Babies everywhere are crying: Not because they've soiled themselves, not because they crave something to suckle, not because they rightfully suspect they're going to grow up underachieving and unloved--but because their butts are no longer the benchmark by which skin-softness is measured--No, no!--that distinction NOW belongs to MY FACE.

That's right, babies--put that in your bottles and suck it!

Princess Patchoulia: Stickin' it to Babies (in a non-pedophilic way) Since '06!! Ha!

I'm fairly certain this cream must be made with endangered species or aliens or something...it's just that good...