Oil of Olay Regenerist Night Renewal Cream

I'm not sure if that's exactly what it's called--I think I've included all the relevent words, if not in the correct order.

A while back, I started filling out contest applications and sending away for free stuff (samples and such). Possibly because I was bored, possibly because I really want to go to Jamaica, possibly because everyone likes free stuff...

Anyway, I haven't won any contests yet (boo!), possibly because I realized afterwards that the empire for which I work pretty much owns the country and, as such, I am ineligible for most of the contests I entered.

I have, however, received some GREAT STUFF in the mail, including a tiny of sample of this Olay Regenerist Night Cream.

I had it for a few weeks and decided to try it out last night. It says, "Apply to clean face & neck before bed." Easy enough. I followed the instructions, shut off the bathroom light and headed for my bed.

As I approached my bed, something came over me...a change was afoot on my face (teehee)...my hands flew to my visage to investigate.

"Holy crap," I thought, "This is the softest skin in the history of skin!"

I inappropriately molested my remarkable newly softened skin some more before calling it a night..

When I awoke this morning, my skin was STILL THAT SOFT!

Despite a facial scrub in the shower and half a day's worth of grime on my face, my skin is still incredibly (possibly illegally) soft.

Babies everywhere are crying: Not because they've soiled themselves, not because they crave something to suckle, not because they rightfully suspect they're going to grow up underachieving and unloved--but because their butts are no longer the benchmark by which skin-softness is measured--No, no!--that distinction NOW belongs to MY FACE.

That's right, babies--put that in your bottles and suck it!

Princess Patchoulia: Stickin' it to Babies (in a non-pedophilic way) Since '06!! Ha!

I'm fairly certain this cream must be made with endangered species or aliens or something...it's just that good...

The Tragic Tale of the Mole on My Neck (RIP)

I have..er..HAD..this mole on my neck.

It fell off.

Yup--fell off.

I'm not sure if I should be alarmed by this or not. On one hand, people pay good money for cosmetic mole removal. On the other hand, I shudder to think this could be a harbinger of things to come..such as other body parts or appendages falling off.

The funny thing about this particular mole was that I had a mole in that location my entire life. A teeny, tiny floppy one--that got ripped off in an amateur wrestling match* with a guy in my residence in first year university.

Then it grew back..and kept growing..I had a dermatologist look at it a couple of years ago because it concerned me (he assured me it wasn't skin cancer).

Me and the new, rapidly growing mole peacefully co-existed until its recent, unceremonious abandonment of my neck.

RIP Martha Mole, 1992-2006

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*Not a cleverly veiled euphemism for anything illicit. I think it was an argument over the TV remote that got out of hand.


This post reprinted, with permission of the author (me), from jambands.ca.