1. If you stop by my desk to find out if my boss has time in her schedule for a meeting, don't walk behind my desk and look over my shoulder at my computer screen while I pull up her calendar to check.
It's creepy.
And annoying.
Fuck off.
The only time I want someone peering over my shoulder that closely is when I'm on my motorcycle with some leather-clad hottie sitting behind me as we go zipping down the highway toward some crazy drug-fuelled biker bash..which is to say: Never.
2. I am an assistant, yes.
And I am happy to help, when I can and when it's reasonable.
However, if you're not the person to whom I report, please don't ask me to set up your meetings for you.
I will happily advise you when my boss is available (unless, of course, you've broken Tip #1 in this post..then I'll help, but I'll probably be glaring at you while I do it and I might just fart at you out of spite, if I can muster one up).
What I will NOT do, is call around and find a time that's suitable for everyone on your goddamn list of attendees to see if they're available--so don't ask me! This will only serve to piss me off and, in the long run, will be no good for you, because your meetings (and anything else you might need) will automatically be relegated to the very bottom of my priority list.
It's your choice.
3. Should you choose to ignore Tip #2, might I suggest reining in that high-horse (named Douchebag) on which you rode in?
Arrogance and condescension may be effective negotation tools, if you are a tool. However, that old saying about capturing more flies with honey than with dickheadedness applies in the workplace as well.
I know it may come as a shock, but I'm actually smart enough to realize when you're talking down to me.
I'm also smart enough to realize that there's a problem in this sentence (extracted from the email you sent me this morning):
"Irregardless, we have to ensure the customers needs are being met and there issues are being attended to."
4. I know it might be difficult to accept, but, your priorities are not the priorities of the rest of the world. I know your world revolves around you. That's fine, we're all self-involved, to a degree...
..................
Where was I? Oh yeah. Self-involved. Sorry, I caught sight of my reflection in my shiny new stapler and I couldn't help but to stop and admire my pretty new haircut...I'm easily distracted.
..................
Anyway, just because something is important to YOU doesn't necessarily make it important to my boss or me. Please don't expect either one of us to drop everything to attend to you--odds are, it ain't going to happen.
And if you're annoying enough, I will start rumours about you (think STDs/ plastic surgery/ penchant for pony porn).
~~~~~~~~~
That's enough for today. I figure I'll make this into a series. I need something to do at work while I'm ignoring you ignoring me because I'm just a lowly assistant.
And with that, I'm off to the supply cabinet to steal post-it notes. Cheers!
It's creepy.
And annoying.
Fuck off.
The only time I want someone peering over my shoulder that closely is when I'm on my motorcycle with some leather-clad hottie sitting behind me as we go zipping down the highway toward some crazy drug-fuelled biker bash..which is to say: Never.
2. I am an assistant, yes.
And I am happy to help, when I can and when it's reasonable.
However, if you're not the person to whom I report, please don't ask me to set up your meetings for you.
I will happily advise you when my boss is available (unless, of course, you've broken Tip #1 in this post..then I'll help, but I'll probably be glaring at you while I do it and I might just fart at you out of spite, if I can muster one up).
What I will NOT do, is call around and find a time that's suitable for everyone on your goddamn list of attendees to see if they're available--so don't ask me! This will only serve to piss me off and, in the long run, will be no good for you, because your meetings (and anything else you might need) will automatically be relegated to the very bottom of my priority list.
It's your choice.
3. Should you choose to ignore Tip #2, might I suggest reining in that high-horse (named Douchebag) on which you rode in?
Arrogance and condescension may be effective negotation tools, if you are a tool. However, that old saying about capturing more flies with honey than with dickheadedness applies in the workplace as well.
I know it may come as a shock, but I'm actually smart enough to realize when you're talking down to me.
I'm also smart enough to realize that there's a problem in this sentence (extracted from the email you sent me this morning):
"Irregardless, we have to ensure the customers needs are being met and there issues are being attended to."
4. I know it might be difficult to accept, but, your priorities are not the priorities of the rest of the world. I know your world revolves around you. That's fine, we're all self-involved, to a degree...
..................
Where was I? Oh yeah. Self-involved. Sorry, I caught sight of my reflection in my shiny new stapler and I couldn't help but to stop and admire my pretty new haircut...I'm easily distracted.
..................
Anyway, just because something is important to YOU doesn't necessarily make it important to my boss or me. Please don't expect either one of us to drop everything to attend to you--odds are, it ain't going to happen.
And if you're annoying enough, I will start rumours about you (think STDs/ plastic surgery/ penchant for pony porn).
~~~~~~~~~
That's enough for today. I figure I'll make this into a series. I need something to do at work while I'm ignoring you ignoring me because I'm just a lowly assistant.
And with that, I'm off to the supply cabinet to steal post-it notes. Cheers!
