Eek!

I have suffered from arachnophobia for my entire life. I know it's illogical, but that doesn't make it any less palpable and debilitating.

This morning I encountered a gargantuan spider in my bathroom. For those of you who've been to my apartment, my bathroom is, approximately, the size of a postage stamp--as such, there really isn't room enough in my bathroom for me and a spider, especially one roughly the size of a Volkswagon.

I saw the spider. I screamed and jumped and hit my elbow on the towel rack (see above re: infinitesemal size of bathroom). The spider crawled menacingly toward me...I continued screaming and plotted an escape route. My goal was to get out of the bathroom without allowing the eight-legged minion of Satan the opportunity to attack me.

Unfortunately, my creepy nemesis wasn't in a position whereby I could vanquish him with The Big Shoe ("The Big Shoe" is, of course, a giant, heavy shoe, which I wield to kill bugs. Since I could not kill the spider with The Big Shoe, I decided to kill him with Oxyclean. Even though I've killed spiders with Oxyclean before, I approached the task with trepidation..I'd never seen a spider this large before and suspected it might be impervious to the death rays of the Oxyclean.

I doused the stupid thing with Oxyclean. I spritzed furiously. He curled up in a little ball, seemingly powerless to the oxygenating power. Victory!!!

But I wasn't going to celebrate...not yet...

I proceeded to get ready for work...applying deodorant, drying my hair etc....but always with an eye on the spider. I suspected he was simply PLAYING dead so I'd be lulled into a false sense of security and then he could attack when I was least expecting it!

Sure enough, the spider was not dead.

I re-Oxycleaned him. He still didn't appear dead. I tried to smoosh him with the bathroom scale...but I was too scared to move it to confirm his demise.

I don't think I can go home now. He's going to be pissed.